SKINNY JEANS? Clueless Mom, Girl In Transition To Teen

So my 11-year-old daughter asked for skinny jeans on her Christmas list. I assumed it was pants designed to make you look slimmer. At least from my recollection of the ads on TV that was my understanding of what she wanted. My daughter is already skinny so why-in-the-world would she want skinny jeans. Furthermore why even worry about weight at her age. For weeks this was the thought in my head. When we went to a department store the other day, she saw some nice-looking jeans and said, "Look mom, skinny jeans..like the ones I want."

I said, "Honey, if you weigh 89 pounds and you shove yourself into a pair of those ain't nothing gonna be skinnier about you. You're still gonna be 89 pounds. It's the girl inside the jeans that's skinny--not the jeans that make the girl skinny. "

She laughed, "I know mom," so I asked her why she wants them then, she's already skinny. At this point she laughed again, "your crazy mom" and informed me that it's the leg. She took a pair of pants in her hand and said, "see the leg how small it is, that's why it's skinny. I like my boots to go over my pants, not my pants to go over my boots like the wide-boot-cut jeans."

Oh! Lightbulb! Ding ding ding! so that's what that is... I laughed and she laughed. I finally got it.

That silly, but true story, is an example of the trouble I'm having understanding and communicating with my daughter lately. It amazes me how fast she is growing and how many unexpected teen-age behaviors she is showing. What do I mean? Well she's doing things I didn't do until I was thirteen, most likely even fourteen. Things I didn't think I would address in elementary school. Last year at the age of ten, she asked me to teach her how to shave, we have now discussed puberty, deodorant, make-up, staying away from drugs; specially alcohol which she sees around her when she visits her friends and the grown-ups drink beer. When She was nine she asked me for a cell phone(what! I never had a cell phone even when I was 20). This year I finally got her a cell phone, pretty much for me to check-up on her when she's not home. Soon after she got the phone all her minutes disappeared fairly quickly. It turned-out her friend who was grounded pressured my daughter to beg me for a cell phone so she could call a boy she was grounded from calling (according to her mom), and they had developed a sudden need to go play at the school playground every day, after school,  for hours. It turned-out they were having little boy-girl dates after school. In the end I spent money and time getting my daughter a cell phone which she didn't even use, and when I questioned her she lied about the minutes and had deleted all the text messages. She also lied to me about why she wanted to go to the park so much. I didn't expect to deal with any of this until she was in high school. It was then I realized how times have changed: kids now days are maturing faster, and being pressured younger--influenced by the technology, media, and internet.   Lately all she wants to do is be with her friends and family meals seem to be less and less important. She is more to herself and is quieter. Am I worried? Just a little. My little girl is starting to grow-up, to be a teenager, and the attitude is already present. I do remember how hard and awkward that stage was in my life, and I try to have empathy, but I don't like it. She is doing excellent in school and I have taught her to choose the right most of her life. After grounding her for a couple-of-months from her phone and a couple weeks from her friend, she learned her lesson. I got her to understand it wasn't about the phone or the minutes--it was about the lying and the loss of trust, especially at such an early age in her life. I informed her I didn't expect that sort of behavior until she was in high school.  It was a shock and a rude awakening to me about her growing-up. I'm gonna miss my little girl.